Dress Code for Wife

A good friend of mine from Shanghai was getting married. A group of us girls threw her a bachelorette party (my British friends call it Hen's Night). The dress code was "sexy." I put on a black mini dress with high heeled boots and wore bright red lipstick. Before I left for the party, Bryan said to me, "You look great, honey! Have a good time tonight."

When I arrived at the party, I found that two of my other girlfriends, both married to British men, were dressed quite sexily. Coincidentally, all of us were dressed in black. Our bachelorette friend arrived at the party late. This was unusual for her because she had always been a very punctual person. She was wearing a beautiful white cocktail dress with a deep V-neck and a big white bow at the waist. It was classic and lady-like, and her looks contrasted sharply from our black sexy outfits. She looked absolutely lovely. We all commented that she looked like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex in the City. Meanwhile, she apologized profusely for being late and then explained to us the reason for her tardiness.

The dress she was wearing had padded bras sewn on the inside. When she put it on, her fiancé disapproved of it saying it made her breasts look too pronounced. Our friend cut off the padded bras and put the dress back on again. This time she was confident that her fiancé would not have any objections. Indeed, he was more comfortable with the new look. But when he found out she had taken out the padded bras, he said, "What? You are going to go out without a bra?" She had to assure him that there was no danger of exposing herself. This lengthy dressing process was the reason for her delay.

Most Chinese men are very protective of their wives. They dislike their wives attracting attention from other men. A married Chinese woman will typically dress in a conservative fashion to please her husband. When I go shopping with girlfriends who have Chinese husbands, they avoid buying anything that exposes the shoulders and backs. Even if they liked that style of dress, they would not buy it because they know their husbands would disapprove of it.

Long Distance Relationship is OK

In China husbands are more tolerant of their wives working and living miles away. In fact, most Chinese don't think it is strange for husbands and wives to live in separate cities, provinces, or even countries. Being apart for months and years at a time is not unusual for many Chinese couples. Career development and the opportunity to make more money often have a higher priority than being together physically. While some will remain loyal to their partners despite the distance and separation, many do succumb to affairs. I've been told that MBA in China means "married but available."

(selected from 101 Stories for Foreigners to Understand Chinese People by Yi S. Ellis and Bryan D. Ellis, published by China Intercontinental Press in 2012)